Sunday, February 26, 2012
Feeling Lucky?
I am. I'm feeling Lucky and it hurts so much.
I hear about so many children who are looking, wishing, praying, hoping, dreaming of a family to belong to. Children of all ages, shapes and sizes. Children of all stages of health, sickness & physical abilities.
I am drawn to the older children. I ache for them. I feel so small and insignificant when I swallow the bitter pill called "you can't save them all".
I am a realist (despite my dreamy and scattered outward demonstration of my personality). I am a realist, and I realize that I am very, very small. And the number of hurting children is so very, very large.
So I hear a lot of stories. I meet a lot of parents and their children. Once in a while, one story - one child - reaches out an pierces my heart until it bleeds.
Lucky is one of them. There needs to be no particular reason "why" one child affects me more than others. I have stopped asking "why" in pretty much all areas of my life. The only thing that matters is that IT IS.
Please hold Lucky in your heart, your thoughts, and if you pray - please pray for him. Pray for all children who yearn to belong......
There has GOT to be someone out there who is willing to bring Lucky into their family. There's just got to be someone.......
Lucky's story here.
I hear about so many children who are looking, wishing, praying, hoping, dreaming of a family to belong to. Children of all ages, shapes and sizes. Children of all stages of health, sickness & physical abilities.
I am drawn to the older children. I ache for them. I feel so small and insignificant when I swallow the bitter pill called "you can't save them all".
I am a realist (despite my dreamy and scattered outward demonstration of my personality). I am a realist, and I realize that I am very, very small. And the number of hurting children is so very, very large.
So I hear a lot of stories. I meet a lot of parents and their children. Once in a while, one story - one child - reaches out an pierces my heart until it bleeds.
Lucky is one of them. There needs to be no particular reason "why" one child affects me more than others. I have stopped asking "why" in pretty much all areas of my life. The only thing that matters is that IT IS.
Please hold Lucky in your heart, your thoughts, and if you pray - please pray for him. Pray for all children who yearn to belong......
There has GOT to be someone out there who is willing to bring Lucky into their family. There's just got to be someone.......
Lucky's story here.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Trolls & Hurdles
It's a good thing I've got a sense of humor, and a faith that is strong, because it appears I'm in for the fight of my life! Actually, I take that back. I'm in for the fight for Z's life!
I'd better pick up the pace on those work-outs at the gym, because it looks like I'll be facing some pretty high hurdles along this journey to bring Z home.
A friend recently taught me about trolls. Little, mean spirited people who are full of hate toward the adoptive community.
Wait....what?
Yeah, you read that correctly. So far, I haven't "met" one but I understand they peruse the web for blogs written by adoptive parents, and spew their venom in efforts to dissuade the parent's efforts to bring a child home.
Again, you read that right. I am sad for my online friends who have to deal with this, and hope I may be lucky enough to avoid having to face that kind of hate.
In the meantime, I have already been facing enough obstacles to make me pause and reflect.
I've questioned my sanity. I've questioned my judgement, my reasoning, my faith and my commitment. Adoption was not on my bucket list!
But everything changed last year, when compassion trumped all other plans. I experienced a physical reaction to the plight of one child, and I know what I have been called to do.
I have been called to be a mother to Z.
This has caused me so much confusion. Why confusion? Well, I've always believed that things happen for a reason. I still believe that, but I'm stumped. I believe God's hand is in this.....and I trust....I really do....but I'm human and have questions. I'm also an impatient human, and want answers now!
My question is: Why has God chosen a mother who cannot afford to do this? It feels right, it feels that I've made the right choice, but I don't have the means to do it on my own. So what's up with that? Not only can't I just pay for the adoption myself, there are already obstacles in the way of my path, above and beyond the financial burden.
It's a lot of political mumbo-jumbo that I'll weed my way through, but still....it's daunting. The region Z lives in, has a temporary freeze on adoptions. This has happened countless times in the past, and I have been assured that this setback will pass.
Last month, Russia amended the 'family code' to extend the processing time frame between court decisions, written rulings & adoption decrees. This results in added travel and expense for the families.
The U.S & Russia signed an agreement last summer that is casting shadows over many decisions being made by potential adoptive parents. I won't let this dissuade me from my goal, but the paths I walk may differ from the ones I set out on.
Baby steps, right? Just one step at a time. I shouldn't look at the whole race. Just this one lap. I'm strong enough to jump over the first hurdle. I'm already running straight at it. And if a troll tries to block my way, I'll stomp on him!
Meanwhile, Z doesn't know she already has me on her side. I AM her mom, and by thinking of her, praying for her, advocating - educating- and fighting for her.....I am acting as her mom.
My prayer for her is that she feels hope and peace and love......when she looks out the window that is near her bed, and sees the moon.....she'll be wishing for a family.
WE ARE RIGHT HERE, Z. And we're coming as quickly as we can!!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Kim Who?
So, here I am doing something I said I'd NEVER do......starting a blog.
There are thousands of other blogs created by women (men probably too!) who are also in the midst of undertaking the new & huge endeavor of adopting. Why? Because the adoption of an older child is scary. No, it's terrifying. So much hangs on the edge....a lot of pressure, and complications, and red tape and obstacles and so many other things I don't even know about. Yet.
Until now, I've had great friends by my side cheering me on.....to them I say THANK YOU. I've also been "venting" a bit on another social media forum (a little company called Facebook.....heard of it?) but I really and truly don't want to be bogging down people's "newsfeeds" with adoption stuff, because frankly, I know that most people don't give a hoot and that's OK!
If you want to know what I had for dinner, or that my dog ate my new shoes......go to Facebook for that (not so) important stuff.
Why a blog? Because there are a zillion other "adoptive moms" out there who know the ropes, and have done the same.....receiving much support and having an avenue to get questions answered, to have fears eased and to learn from other seasoned moms out there in cyber space! They search for other adoptive moms online, and we - as a team - are fierce! Just like if you are an artist, you might search for blogs that connect you to other artists.
Oh, and writing a blog means that a reader actually has to "log in" ON PURPOSE.....so frankly, if you don't want to hear about my adoptive journey.....DON'T LOG IN! It's as simple as that!
But wait.......I'm expressing myself AND asking for donations to bring a little girl out of poverty & parentlessness (is that a word?) into a family. How dare I?!!!
Well, the way I see it is ...... how dare I NOT? I can pay for this all by myself. I can. It will take me about 3 or 4 years to do it though. And Z will be sitting in an orphanage without parents for that much longer. The longer she stays there, the harder it will be for her. It's as simple as that. Financial help will help HER not me. I'm fine. I'm sitting here in my comfy bathrobe with food in my belly and a doctor to visit if I don't feel well. I'm very, very rich. But not in the financial sense. Without you, I repeat, it will take YEARS to bring Z home.
My theory is, people will read my blog for any of the following reasons:
1. You know me & are interested in following along on my journey of becoming an adoptive mom to an older child (so much more complicated than being pregnant, where there wouldn't be much to blog about it except swollen ankles!) You may or may not be able to help with finances, but you ARE there for support and encouragement. Leave me a note or comment so I'll know! THANKS!
2. You don't know me personally, but are interested in my journey. Maybe you are a seasoned adoptive parent who "knows the ropes"and can help address my concerns.....maybe not. But you are a kind person who cares. WELCOME!
3. You are a spy, and you think you'll find some real juicy tid-bits of incriminating evidence here.
4. You surfed in by accident, oops! If you'd like to stay, please pull up a chair, pour yourself a cup of coffee and get to know me! Or the door is that way >>>!
There are thousands of other blogs created by women (men probably too!) who are also in the midst of undertaking the new & huge endeavor of adopting. Why? Because the adoption of an older child is scary. No, it's terrifying. So much hangs on the edge....a lot of pressure, and complications, and red tape and obstacles and so many other things I don't even know about. Yet.
Until now, I've had great friends by my side cheering me on.....to them I say THANK YOU. I've also been "venting" a bit on another social media forum (a little company called Facebook.....heard of it?) but I really and truly don't want to be bogging down people's "newsfeeds" with adoption stuff, because frankly, I know that most people don't give a hoot and that's OK!
If you want to know what I had for dinner, or that my dog ate my new shoes......go to Facebook for that (not so) important stuff.
Why a blog? Because there are a zillion other "adoptive moms" out there who know the ropes, and have done the same.....receiving much support and having an avenue to get questions answered, to have fears eased and to learn from other seasoned moms out there in cyber space! They search for other adoptive moms online, and we - as a team - are fierce! Just like if you are an artist, you might search for blogs that connect you to other artists.
Oh, and writing a blog means that a reader actually has to "log in" ON PURPOSE.....so frankly, if you don't want to hear about my adoptive journey.....DON'T LOG IN! It's as simple as that!
But wait.......I'm expressing myself AND asking for donations to bring a little girl out of poverty & parentlessness (is that a word?) into a family. How dare I?!!!
Well, the way I see it is ...... how dare I NOT? I can pay for this all by myself. I can. It will take me about 3 or 4 years to do it though. And Z will be sitting in an orphanage without parents for that much longer. The longer she stays there, the harder it will be for her. It's as simple as that. Financial help will help HER not me. I'm fine. I'm sitting here in my comfy bathrobe with food in my belly and a doctor to visit if I don't feel well. I'm very, very rich. But not in the financial sense. Without you, I repeat, it will take YEARS to bring Z home.
My theory is, people will read my blog for any of the following reasons:
1. You know me & are interested in following along on my journey of becoming an adoptive mom to an older child (so much more complicated than being pregnant, where there wouldn't be much to blog about it except swollen ankles!) You may or may not be able to help with finances, but you ARE there for support and encouragement. Leave me a note or comment so I'll know! THANKS!
2. You don't know me personally, but are interested in my journey. Maybe you are a seasoned adoptive parent who "knows the ropes"and can help address my concerns.....maybe not. But you are a kind person who cares. WELCOME!
3. You are a spy, and you think you'll find some real juicy tid-bits of incriminating evidence here.
4. You surfed in by accident, oops! If you'd like to stay, please pull up a chair, pour yourself a cup of coffee and get to know me! Or the door is that way >>>!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Baby Steps
For years, I often responded to fear by becoming paralyzed. Stuck. Afraid to make a decision or take that first step. Fear can be paralyzing, and I allowed that to happen to me too often.
Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot with my life so far! I've already taken chances that many would never contemplate.
I'm a contradiction in many ways. I've jumped off a lot of proverbial cliffs, with no safety net - yet get "stuck" on seemingly simply decisions.
I never understood that about myself, but I've learned that's ok. I don't have to understand everything.
What I can't accept about myself anymore, is saying no.....when I know I should be saying yes.
Take this for example.....starting a blog. Some friends and veteran adoptive parents have been encouraging me do this. I have said no.
What is the point of it? The answer is threefold.
1. This may be a vehicle for me to express myself and gain support and needed encouragement regarding my pending adoption of an older, Russian, special needs child - and all that comes along with it.
I am fully aware that those who have never tread the adoption waters may not "get it" and think it's no big deal. I am also fully aware that it IS, indeed, a huge deal - especially the type of adoption I am undertaking, and I could use all the understanding, words of wisdom and encouragement I can get!
2. This is the hardest part, and the point of most of my resistance. I placed myself into Z's shoes when I made this decision, and realized that from her perspective, I'd be selfish NOT to blog and ask for as much help as possible to get her out of that orphanage and into a family. I can't afford this on my own. I close my eyes and imagine one of my biological children in her shoes. If one of them was in that place; malnourished, afraid, & lonely I would kick, scream, fight and beg everyone I know to help me get to my child.
So, I'm here. And you are reading this. You haven't left yet. That's a good thing.
3. I am here now as a result of a chain reaction. A friend, my daughter, me, Z.....all those lives affected......and if I don't remain silent, maybe the chain reaction will continue. Maybe you will carry a torch one day?
So, I've taken my first baby step. One......two.....three......"post"!
Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot with my life so far! I've already taken chances that many would never contemplate.
I'm a contradiction in many ways. I've jumped off a lot of proverbial cliffs, with no safety net - yet get "stuck" on seemingly simply decisions.
I never understood that about myself, but I've learned that's ok. I don't have to understand everything.
What I can't accept about myself anymore, is saying no.....when I know I should be saying yes.
Take this for example.....starting a blog. Some friends and veteran adoptive parents have been encouraging me do this. I have said no.
What is the point of it? The answer is threefold.
1. This may be a vehicle for me to express myself and gain support and needed encouragement regarding my pending adoption of an older, Russian, special needs child - and all that comes along with it.
I am fully aware that those who have never tread the adoption waters may not "get it" and think it's no big deal. I am also fully aware that it IS, indeed, a huge deal - especially the type of adoption I am undertaking, and I could use all the understanding, words of wisdom and encouragement I can get!
2. This is the hardest part, and the point of most of my resistance. I placed myself into Z's shoes when I made this decision, and realized that from her perspective, I'd be selfish NOT to blog and ask for as much help as possible to get her out of that orphanage and into a family. I can't afford this on my own. I close my eyes and imagine one of my biological children in her shoes. If one of them was in that place; malnourished, afraid, & lonely I would kick, scream, fight and beg everyone I know to help me get to my child.
So, I'm here. And you are reading this. You haven't left yet. That's a good thing.
3. I am here now as a result of a chain reaction. A friend, my daughter, me, Z.....all those lives affected......and if I don't remain silent, maybe the chain reaction will continue. Maybe you will carry a torch one day?
So, I've taken my first baby step. One......two.....three......"post"!
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