It's a good thing I've got a sense of humor, and a faith that is strong, because it appears I'm in for the fight of my life! Actually, I take that back. I'm in for the fight for Z's life!
I'd better pick up the pace on those work-outs at the gym, because it looks like I'll be facing some pretty high hurdles along this journey to bring Z home.
A friend recently taught me about trolls. Little, mean spirited people who are full of hate toward the adoptive community.
Wait....what?
Yeah, you read that correctly. So far, I haven't "met" one but I understand they peruse the web for blogs written by adoptive parents, and spew their venom in efforts to dissuade the parent's efforts to bring a child home.
Again, you read that right. I am sad for my online friends who have to deal with this, and hope I may be lucky enough to avoid having to face that kind of hate.
In the meantime, I have already been facing enough obstacles to make me pause and reflect.
I've questioned my sanity. I've questioned my judgement, my reasoning, my faith and my commitment. Adoption was not on my bucket list!
But everything changed last year, when compassion trumped all other plans. I experienced a physical reaction to the plight of one child, and I know what I have been called to do.
I have been called to be a mother to Z.
This has caused me so much confusion. Why confusion? Well, I've always believed that things happen for a reason. I still believe that, but I'm stumped. I believe God's hand is in this.....and I trust....I really do....but I'm human and have questions. I'm also an impatient human, and want answers now!
My question is: Why has God chosen a mother who cannot afford to do this? It feels right, it feels that I've made the right choice, but I don't have the means to do it on my own. So what's up with that? Not only can't I just pay for the adoption myself, there are already obstacles in the way of my path, above and beyond the financial burden.
It's a lot of political mumbo-jumbo that I'll weed my way through, but still....it's daunting. The region Z lives in, has a temporary freeze on adoptions. This has happened countless times in the past, and I have been assured that this setback will pass.
Last month, Russia amended the 'family code' to extend the processing time frame between court decisions, written rulings & adoption decrees. This results in added travel and expense for the families.
The U.S & Russia signed an agreement last summer that is casting shadows over many decisions being made by potential adoptive parents. I won't let this dissuade me from my goal, but the paths I walk may differ from the ones I set out on.
Baby steps, right? Just one step at a time. I shouldn't look at the whole race. Just this one lap. I'm strong enough to jump over the first hurdle. I'm already running straight at it. And if a troll tries to block my way, I'll stomp on him!
Meanwhile, Z doesn't know she already has me on her side. I AM her mom, and by thinking of her, praying for her, advocating - educating- and fighting for her.....I am acting as her mom.
My prayer for her is that she feels hope and peace and love......when she looks out the window that is near her bed, and sees the moon.....she'll be wishing for a family.
WE ARE RIGHT HERE, Z. And we're coming as quickly as we can!!
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