“From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king.” ~ J.R.R Tolkien
I've been an absent presence in this world of blogging, and I can't say with certainty that I'll be a regular presence, but I think it's important that I try.
I'll try, as I find that creating tangible, written words often helps to make sense of the jumble of feelings, ideas, hopes, disappointments, fears, aspirations, anxiety and good intentions that keep me awake each night.
There's been a shadow over our household.
The genesis of this blog was in tandem with the first tentative steps onto the narrow path of an international adoption of an older, special needs girl from Siberia. "Zhenya". She is now 10 years old, and likely to remain in institutionalized care until she reaches age 16. She will then step out of the orphanage doors, onto the dirt roads of the remote village where a piece of my heart will always remain. I wish to return. To visit. To hold her. To assure her that her life has value, that she is important and special and good. To declare my love and offer aid in some way to her.
Her future looks bleek. Teenage girls (especially those with special needs) in that region, ripe with poverty, are in danger of too many evils. I will not dwell on this dark shadow. Politics, greed, pride...have all stepped in to prevent this child and millions of others from the hope of a family.
My small business, that I have managed for 10 years is struggling to keep it's doors open. It's no comfort to know that I'm in good company with many fine family owned businesses who grapple with the decision of closing or hanging on 'just a bit longer' in these hard economic times. I still love my job, I love the customers (teens!) my staff, the message - and there is still profit - but it's a heck of a lot of stress for little reward lately!
My home, my modest little ranch in a modest town in New England is no longer a place of comfort and security. The cost is high, our income has plummeted and just before winter hit last year we discovered termites had moved in. Despite chemical infusions, replaced wood, bombs, stakes and many prayers...those buggers persist. A recent estimate from an exterminator, along with the visible damage has caused us to reconsider the effort we put into paying our mortgage each month. We are weighing options, and the weight sometimes seems unbearable. (my mind jumps from living on our boat, moving to Africa for 2 years, to the run-of-the-mill move a few streets over)
My other company, a nonprofit organization has been making many small steps which seem to be leading someplace, finally. It's a light in the shadow of my current world, but even that does not come without distress. As we prepare for work in Africa, a misunderstanding created an amended plan of action. A hill, not a mountain.
If I choose to hide in the shadows, what good will come? Will Zhenya benefit? Will I save my home, my business? What of my children, my husband and the young man in Africa that I have made a promise to?
Looking back at my life, I have noted that the most productive, rewarding, joyful times were always - without exception - preceded by shadows. I hesitate to say 'darkness' because I'm a woman who is filled with an inner light that is rarely dimmed. Despite the lack of light around me, I have always managed to hold onto my optimistic and stubborn spirit.
Now, is no different.
"Being Yes"
I've spent time with traumatized boys in Mexico, holding orphans in Russia, walking through poverty stricken neighborhoods in Africa, conferring wtih foster teens in the USA and each time - after having a few damn good cries, I put on my hardhat and get to work.
I'll blog along the way.
I don't know why.
I don't know who will care to follow this journey of "yes" but I will say this:
I'm rallying my troops and won't take NO for an answer!
I'll try, as I find that creating tangible, written words often helps to make sense of the jumble of feelings, ideas, hopes, disappointments, fears, aspirations, anxiety and good intentions that keep me awake each night.
There's been a shadow over our household.
The genesis of this blog was in tandem with the first tentative steps onto the narrow path of an international adoption of an older, special needs girl from Siberia. "Zhenya". She is now 10 years old, and likely to remain in institutionalized care until she reaches age 16. She will then step out of the orphanage doors, onto the dirt roads of the remote village where a piece of my heart will always remain. I wish to return. To visit. To hold her. To assure her that her life has value, that she is important and special and good. To declare my love and offer aid in some way to her.
Her future looks bleek. Teenage girls (especially those with special needs) in that region, ripe with poverty, are in danger of too many evils. I will not dwell on this dark shadow. Politics, greed, pride...have all stepped in to prevent this child and millions of others from the hope of a family.
My small business, that I have managed for 10 years is struggling to keep it's doors open. It's no comfort to know that I'm in good company with many fine family owned businesses who grapple with the decision of closing or hanging on 'just a bit longer' in these hard economic times. I still love my job, I love the customers (teens!) my staff, the message - and there is still profit - but it's a heck of a lot of stress for little reward lately!
My home, my modest little ranch in a modest town in New England is no longer a place of comfort and security. The cost is high, our income has plummeted and just before winter hit last year we discovered termites had moved in. Despite chemical infusions, replaced wood, bombs, stakes and many prayers...those buggers persist. A recent estimate from an exterminator, along with the visible damage has caused us to reconsider the effort we put into paying our mortgage each month. We are weighing options, and the weight sometimes seems unbearable. (my mind jumps from living on our boat, moving to Africa for 2 years, to the run-of-the-mill move a few streets over)
My other company, a nonprofit organization has been making many small steps which seem to be leading someplace, finally. It's a light in the shadow of my current world, but even that does not come without distress. As we prepare for work in Africa, a misunderstanding created an amended plan of action. A hill, not a mountain.
If I choose to hide in the shadows, what good will come? Will Zhenya benefit? Will I save my home, my business? What of my children, my husband and the young man in Africa that I have made a promise to?
Looking back at my life, I have noted that the most productive, rewarding, joyful times were always - without exception - preceded by shadows. I hesitate to say 'darkness' because I'm a woman who is filled with an inner light that is rarely dimmed. Despite the lack of light around me, I have always managed to hold onto my optimistic and stubborn spirit.
Now, is no different.
"Being Yes"
I've spent time with traumatized boys in Mexico, holding orphans in Russia, walking through poverty stricken neighborhoods in Africa, conferring wtih foster teens in the USA and each time - after having a few damn good cries, I put on my hardhat and get to work.
I'll blog along the way.
I don't know why.
I don't know who will care to follow this journey of "yes" but I will say this:
I'm rallying my troops and won't take NO for an answer!
glad to see an update. i'm sorry about the termites but ... hold on, hang on, never lose hope in good things. x0
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